When you are having a rough day, there is nothing like horoscopes to make you feel better about yourself. Sure you might have wandered around all day with your fly unzipped and a strawberry seed stuck between your teeth, which you discovered only when your office crush saw fit to inform you, but at least the zodiac is always there to lay out your best quality in loving, nonspecific detail. Not being the mainstream one, telling you guys about your strength or making you feel powerful instead I am right here to tell you about the weirdest thoughts you guys usually come up with based on your zodiac signs.
Aries: March 21st – April 19th
You would be shocked to know but you are always thinking about death. On your way to class, you wonder what would happen if you stepped in front of a moving car and while you are driving, you wonder what would happen if you jolted your wheel to the right. You are fixated on death.
Taurus: April 20th – May 20th
You are a pure stalker. You could spend hours looking through Instagram and Facebook pages. And if your crush (or ex) is in a picture with someone pretty, you will find that person’s page and look through all of their stuff. You might even accidentally run into them at their job or favorite coffee shop. “Hats off to your stalking skills guys”
Gemini: May 21st – June 20th
You are a skilled liar. “Oops” You can come up with stories out of the blue and force people to believe them. Sometimes, you lie just for the fun of it. Just to see if you can get away with it. And you always do. “You better save your soul from now onwards”
Cancer: June 21st – July 22nd
You get obsessive. When you date someone, they become your everything. You are the type of person that would hack up your partner for cheating on you and would not feel a drop of guilt after the fact. “Being the one” Hell yes!
Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd
Sometimes, you picture your own funeral. You imagine who would show up first. Who would cry the loudest. Who would be the most torn apart by your death. Its a sick fantasy that makes you feel important. “haha, guess the picture already”
Virgo: August 23rd – September 22nd
You are an innocent little angel during the day, but when its nighttime and you are fantasizing about something you should not be, some pretty bizarre things cross your mind. Things you wish you werent turned on by. “Oopss”
Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd
Your Youtube history, Wiki history, and Netflix history is creepy AF. You have watched some pretty disturbing shit. If the government every gets ahold of your computer, they would easily mistake you for a serial killer. “Bravo”
Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st
Toxic thoughts pop into your head at random. When you are holding a baby animal, you think of how easily you could crush it. When you are walking by a pretty lady, you think of how quickly you could push her into the middle of the street. You would never actually do those things. But you think about them all the time. “Evil minds”
Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st
You could look someone in the eyes and tell them that their elderly grandmother died without shedding a single tear. Sometimes, you dont feel emotions the way that you are supposed to. Sometimes, you only feel numb.
Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th
You plan out the deaths of your friends and family members. Its not that you actually want to hurt them. Its just a mental exercise. You try to figure out how you would get away with each of their murders just to see how smart you are.
Aquarius: January 20th – February 18th
More than once, you have thought about what you would say during your mother or father or best friend’s funeral. They are not sick or anything. But you like to be creative and whats more creative than writing an emotional eulogy? “Creative much?”
Pisces: February 19th – March 20th
When you daydream, you think about terrifying things like what would happen if someone tried to shoot up your office. In your fantasies, you picture yourself as the hero. The person that kills the bad guy and saves the day. “Being the superhero”….
