Here the keys to help you find the courage to speak in front of others in ways that earn respect, expand actions and improve outcomes for everyone. Which, in the end, is the primary reason to ever open your mouth!
1. Set your highest intention.
What comes from the heart, lands on the heart. So get clear about your highest intention for the people you are speaking to and for anyone who may be indirectly impacted by what you have to say. Keep in mind, your speaking is not about you proving your brilliance, winning raving fans, making yourself “right” or making others “wrong”—it’s about making things better.
If your words are coming purely from pride, arrogance or ego, they’ll almost certainly trigger a reaction in others that won’t serve your cause. And while accruing raving fans may be an outcome of what you say, if it’s your primary goal, then your ego will undermine your authenticity.
2. Narrow your core messages.
Keep it simple. People can only digest so much information. What is the core message you want people to remember and what are the main actions you want them to take? Narrow it down and don’t overwhelm. You don’t serve anyone if people walk away from your presentation feeling like they just drank from a fire hose!
If you are using slides to illustrate your points or convey data, resist the urge to fill every bit of space with all the knowledge in your head. You’ll lose attention fast. Less is more.
3. Show, don’t just tell.
People remember stories, not stats. If you will only talk about the science of reframing, he’d have long since forgotten a key point from my talk. So share stories of yourself or others, infusing humor where appropriate. Just make them relevant so they reinforce your core message.
4. Be humble and authentic.
Before people decide what they think of what you have to say, they decide what they think of you. Rest assured, no one warms to someone who comes across as being full of their own brilliance or pretentious. People want to know the human, not the hero. Accordingly, we connect to others far more deeply through our vulnerability than our victory; more through our stories of missteps and disappointments than our stories of getting the glory or nailing it the first time.
5. Tune into your intuition.
Learning to read the room is a skill that takes time. You build it by simply becoming present to who is sharing your space, putting yourself into their shoes and tuning into that “sixth sense” to see and feel the world as they do. What do you sense is weighing on people’s minds? What conversations are not occurring? What emotions are they wrestling with? What unmet needs, frustrations, and fears are standing between them and the actions that would serve them?
6. Embody authority.
Your being speaks more loudly than your words ever can. So pay attention to how you are showing up for others—to the presence you bring into the room or on to the stage. Your physiology impacts your psychology. Are holding yourself as someone who knows the value of what they are going to say? This isn’t about puffing yourself out or putting on a mask. It’s about stepping into your power to embody authenticity.
Shift your posture so you are standing straight and tall. Take a few deep breaths and connect with the ground beneath your feet. Own your space and the right to be where you are. Soften your face and smile with your eyes as you make eye contact with others. Then speak with a calm and self-assured tone of voice that reveals your respect for others, yourself and your sincere desire to serve. After all, if there is something you genuinely want to say, chances are there are people who genuinely need to hear it.
7. Give yourself permission to get better.
Speaking in front of audiences in ways that engage and influence is a skill. Like all skills, it can be developed and mastered with practice. So don’t wait until you’re 100 percent sure you’re going to speak with the power of Tony Robbins, the charisma of Bill Clinton or the elegance of Oprah before you open your mouth. You may be waiting for your whole life. Decide instead to give yourself permission not to nail every interaction or presentation, but simply to get better at them.
Remember, it’s not about you!
