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1. A Mess

Hello there!

I am in a relationship with a guy I met online. We love each other. Our relationship is six and a half years old. We are from different sects, but that’s not a problem as I can fight for my happiness. This is my first relationship and his fifth. He told me about his past and I had no problem with it. He’s the perfect boyfriend, but the problem started when we were becoming really serious. I asked a friend to call him and flirt with him. He told me that a girl called, but didn’t inform me that the girl was still calling him and that he was also flirting back. I asked my friend to ask him to come to a cafe. He went and I confronted him there. We had a major row. I punched him, damaged his car, cried and went home. I didn’t see him for three months, but eventually got back with him because I believe everyone deserves a second chance. Two years later he did the same thing again. We broke up again and got back again. He begs, pleads, cries and comes to my college to make dramatic scenes and it melts me.

He has cheated, lied, hit and abused me. He hasn’t graduated yet, got arrested on New Year and was found with a bottle of alcohol. I have cried, screamed, done everything but he doesn’t seem to change. A part of me wants to get out of this mess, but the other half wants to stay back. I love him too much and can never love anyone the way I love him.

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Dear Tidy Up,

I am sure there is a stash of studies on why girls keep getting attracted to bad boys. Deep down you know that there is something seriously wrong with your relationship and that’s why you have written in.

No one, and I mean no one, contemplates leaving a wonderful, loving relationship. You are only thinking of leaving this relationship, because it is lousy. You are only hanging onto a relationship that produces so much suffering because you are petrified of being hurt and alone. And because, thanks to all the drama, the whole world knows about you two and you don’t want to be embarrassed and confirm everyone’s beliefs about your relationship.

Ask yourself: if this relationship ended today, what emotions will I experience. Hurt? Loneliness? You’ve been hurting and lonely at various times in this relationship, anyway. You also know that it’s just a matter of time before the madness comes back to rock your relationship and hurt you again, so you might as well feel it one final time when you say goodbye to Mr So-So-Wrong.

You know you can do better than pull along with someone with whom you keep settling back into an unsatisfying, volatile relationship. Be strong, and you’ll be fine.

2. Unbalanced

Meri Pyari Auntie,
After a four-year-long struggle to convince our parents, my husband and I got married in 2002. Our marriage proved to be an example for others; we were passionate, as well as thoughtful about each other.

Even though I had a full time job, I still managed to sit by him while we had dinner. We always had time for each other and used to discuss every tiny matter. I maintained myself for him, stayed in shape, wore fashionable clothes and made sure I looked presentable at all hours.

Time flew by during the first five years when we didn’t have any kids. Now, after bearing two babies, it seems that the fire in our relationship is gone. I’m usually busy with the children and my husband is deprived of all the attention I once gave him.

Sometimes he complains and at other times he just sits by himself. Once during an argument he said that I may have run out of love for him. THAT’S NOT TRUE!

Please advise how can I be a good wife and a good mom, together at the same time?

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Dear Reignite,
It’s common sense that children of a couple who are happily married are more likely to grow up to be secure human beings. So while working on your relationship is good for the two of you, it is also good for your children.

Please, please, please, start putting the kids in bed on time. For children so young I think 7 – 7.30 PM is a good time to sleep. So harden your heart to your pleading children, and become a tyrant about bedtime. Lots and lots of sleep will do your children a world of good and also give the two of you plenty of uninterrupted time.

Also hire reliable domestic help to help out around the house. She’ll share your burden and sometime even entertain the children, leaving you less tired for when hubby gets home.

If you have relatives who are willing to baby-sit, take them up on the offer and go out for coffee or dinner with hubs. In fact, you could even surprise him one day when he gets home to find that you have arranged for the children to be babysat and that you are taking him out to dinner.

If that sounds expensive, surprise him with flowers instead. And if nothing else call him or sms him while he is at work, just to connect

Finally, don’t let the children divide and rule you. Form a united front, be consistent and agree never to disagree with each other when you are disciplining the children.

3. A Girl In Hazy Sunshine

Dear Aunty

I shall keep my story simple. I’m a 28 years old girl and in love with a boy who is 22. I am the youngest in the family and he is the eldest in his. We both love each other a lot and everything seems to be fine, but sometimes I feel disturbed about the age gap.

He always cares for me and supports me, but when I start thinking about being older than him, things don’t seem so fine. Do you think we could be a happy couple? Don’t say no, please.

A Girl In Hazy Sunshine

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Dear Hazy,

Do you have an issue? Are you worried that in ten years time you’ll be 38 and he will be 32? You have a choice: you can either let that get your goat or just not think about it. If you truly love the man and he loves you, you would do the latter.

While no one can guarantee that a partnership between any two people will work out, I’d suggest you stop worrying up a storm about the future, which is not in your control anyway, and start to live in the moment. Your fears are imaginary and working yourself up over nothing will only…err …age you (!).

Here’s how to really keep your story simple: If it feels right, just carry on, love.